Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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