So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
