u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
