if you like me you must not know who I am
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
