1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
