Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize