I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize