I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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