A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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