You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
