Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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