i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
