where am i from again
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
