She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
