It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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