I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
