The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My breasts were aching with rage.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
