He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
