he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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