I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
