listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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