Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
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