Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The air was thick with penises
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
