Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just threw up on my dentist
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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