Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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