I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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