am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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