It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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