If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I need to sanitize my soul.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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