Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
