If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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