Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
