oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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