His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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