There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
