You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
