I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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