he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
