I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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