At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
