so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
