Heybabeimwearingurpanties
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
