My girlfriend figured out who you are.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
