I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Randomize
