two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
