she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
