some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
