The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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