capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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