plz talk dirty to me
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
