sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
