i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
