your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
