i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Can I color on your dick again?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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