I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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