two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
