Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
