Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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