are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
