never play flip cup with pint glasses
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
