Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
