Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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