Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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