look no pants
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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