yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
