She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
