she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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