Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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