I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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