And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
