SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
he had hair everywhere except his balls
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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