uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'm really busy with my period
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