drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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