So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
