I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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