My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
