I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
