when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
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