it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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