Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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