Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
