we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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