did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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