New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize