My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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