New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
