Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
