Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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