its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
