As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I think I just shit out all my problems.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
