Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize