I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she told me i tasted like america
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
