Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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