very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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