i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I checked into jail on foursquare
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
