Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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