Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
