Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
