ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
nutella sex= disaster
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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