Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
