so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
