True but thats because hes a fetus.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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