Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
