Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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