If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
