I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
