there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
