he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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