I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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