worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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