there were more penises there than on chat roulette
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
