my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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