the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
